I completely forgot about this thing.

Nothing has really changed in my life.

All I know is I don't ever want to feel the way I did last year at school.  I was completely miserable and I cried almost every single day.  I want peace in my life.  I want to smile everyday. I want to live everyday like it's my last and be happy if I don't see tomorrow. 

All I want is peace in my heart.

Everytime we talked I knew that you were the one for me but days away make me forget your face like lost keys to a closed door. Now my throats soar, my eyes are dry all tears gone from me missing you I fall asleep holding my pillow, wonder if you thought about me tonight. I dont want, for you to think im just gonna let you walk away see heavens gates are closing in now my arms are opening. To the thought of, just having you walking up these stairs to my room now theres nothing better than playing you this song and having you listen to me tonight. Baby if you only knew me better then you might, be sittin here holding my hand so tight never let me go are the words that i said to you, when you looked at me smiled and said you knew. You know that im a sucker for. you. Pass the cards, now im betting your arm and your leg that things wont be the same without you, with me in your life tonight. Remember when I told you that you looked so pretty to me baby, but soon we'll both forget the breeze.

And the time it will take you to learn from your mistake And the time it will take to dial the phone And the time it will take you to realize her greatness, she'll be gone, she's moved on to someone who takes the *TIME* A lot of stuff has happened I don't really feel like talking about it.  I'm so stressed out right now it's not even funny. It's Greek Week :) I swear I'd hate school if it weren't for sorority! <3 And can I just say that I have never been so sore in my entire life. I can't wait for the summer to be here in 20 school days & 28 real days!  I still haven't decided what I'm gonna do this summer.  I do know I'm going to NC tho for a week when school gets out to see my Sara and look at the school.  Ahh summer needs to get here fast! I am really confused about some stuff in my life right now.  Whenever I think I know how I feel something always changes and I feel different.  Sometimes I think I just make myself think a certain way so I really won't feel how I really feel lol this all sounds stupid and I'm about to just say fuck it to everything & go back to not caring about a damn thing.  I'm so stupid about stuff too like I'll know good and well about something then just take the excuse lmao omgosh I need to be shot! Blah I need to get my shit straight & keep it that way. I'm working at the YMCA in Huntington as a lifeguard.  Crazy stuff, my parents don't want me to work & I don't really either but I get free admission to the Y and free tans so thats a plus.  Kender works there so I'll be working with her so it's not really even a hard job. I have a whole lot of stuff to do sooo just thought I'd update since I haven't in about 249589 years :) *but if you're better left alone i'll do my best to understand still my love will linger on*

 

-x-the eNd-x-

*Bodies in the sand tropical drinks melting in your hands we'll be falling in love to the rhythm of the steel drum band down in Kokomo*

Kayla & I got passed our life guarding class so if you ever choke, can't swim, or stop breathing & we're around...no worries! :)

Went to the Taste of Chaos tour in Cleveland, Ohio--DEFTONES *love*, Atreyu, Story of the Year, As I Lay Dying, Thrice, Dredg, Silverstein, Funeral for a Friend, & much more that I can't remember with my awesome friends it was great!

ATL tonight then FL for the rest of the week :) can't wait to be on the beach for a whole week!

Greek Week is coming up & formal yessssss!

2 more months of school & then summer** sweet

I met the love of my life <3

-x-the eNd-x-

 

Currently Listening Destination: Beautiful By Mae see related

*We must try to figure it out it won't be that easy we lost it somehow--I need you here tonight just like the ocean needs the waves fall around me now like the stars that shine & brighten the way I need you here tonight just like the night needs the rain*  -Mae (: <3333

"I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it."

Well not too much has happened.  I've been in good moods then bad moods I swear I wish I could just be content for once! lol Kristin & Holli came up on Friday night & we all got prettied up. Then Steven called & said we were picking him up well I got to the Pike House & Jen's there! Yay it made me soo happy!  So we ended up picking Tree up too & going to some party in the middle of nowhere, but omgosh the houses were BEAUTIFUL! It was an open bar at this guys house so we all drank then went to the bar.  It was a fabolous time.  I had to wake up early tho & go to a sisterhood event for sorority.  That was fun too tho then I came on home.  I didn't do much at home.  I went to Kayla's to talk to her for forever then we went to Justins & picked him up.  We went back to Kayla's for the longest time then they were all going up rockhouse & I didn't wanna go so I was just gonna go home.  Justin ended up not wanting to go so he just came back to my house & we watched movies then I fell asleep & I'm guessing Justin went back to Kayla's haha I dunno.  Woke up & had to come back to Hton early for another sisterhood event.  Someone from Contact came & talked to us about stuff.  I'm going to volunteer to work at that place.  You answer the phones & talk to people who call in from being abused or rapped.  It sounds really sad and my mom thinks it would be hard to do but I think it's wonderful & anyway I could help I want too.  So I start training sometime soon for that.  :)

~I'm the biggest "work in progress" looking for a "dare-to-be-great" situation that I've ever known..~

Tonight I went to Rio with my girls then we went to Wal*Mart.  After that we went Salsa Dancing! It was soo much fun.  Its a workout too I tell ya moving your hips.  haha The guy was using me to show people and he was like "Have you done this before you move your hips gooood" haha.. it was funny.  I don't feel very well tho. I have been sick all week.  I'm talking like really sick I wake up in the morning & I feel like I'm going to die.  I don't know whats wrong with me.  I have to go to the doctor to get some tests done tomorrow so that should just dandy blah!

Tomorrow night I'm going over to Kenders & we're gonna have a own lil party.  We've all been stressed out lately & seriously hating life so we are gonna have a lil fun!  Then this weekend I've gotta go home on Friday because I start my life guarding class! Ahh it's all weekend 7-11 on Friday &  starting at 9 in the morning on Sat. then all day Sunday! Haha thats gonna kill me! At least after this maybe I can start working at the YMCA.  I think it'd be a fun job & something I'd like to do. 

Spring Break is almost here! Yessssss 17 more days & I'll be on the beach! My fav ;)  I hate my body tho so it'll be really depressing. Aw well I can't wait to get away. OMGOSH 2 months & school is out.  I can't believe my first year of college is almost over.  It seriously flew by like I don't know what I've been doing.  It's soo crazy!  I'm getting old! haha Well I believe thats all thats happened I just felt like updating since I was in a kinda sorta good mood from dancing :)

Night Loves <3

*****I'm not the greatest. I'm not the worst. I'm just what I am. I'm honest. I'm goofie. I'm wild. I'm loud. I'm sweet. I'm moody. I'm playful. I'm strong-mind. I'm outspoken. I'm outgoing. I'm stubborn. I'm a bitch. I'm not a toy. I'm not a trophy either. I'm that girl you want to take home to your mother to go play dress up with. I'm that girl you want to take home to your dad to go hunting. I'm that girl you want your sister to hang out with. I'm that girl you want your brother to try and out drink. I'm that girl you want your friends to be like, whoa, SHE'S AWESOME. I'm that girl you want to love. I'm that girl you want to hang out with on the weekends. I'm that girl you want to be best friends with. I'm that girl you want to be your everything. I may not be that girl to you, but I will be that girl to someone****

-x-the eNd-x-

Currently Listening The Everglow By Mae *The Sun & Moon* <3 see related

*Every now and again sometimes
I get lost on the wind of a dream
The air gets clean and the seas get wider
I can do anything
The pain it won't even cross my mind
And it's a wonder, and everyday
The rope gets loose and the chains unbind me
And I can do anything*
--i heart mae!

fabolous mood (:

kinda weird because i've been in a depressed mood.  i haven't wanted to see or talk to anyone here lately.  i'm not really sure why.  it's amazing how you feel like you wake up one day and come to find out that everything you believed in, put faith in & trusted in isn't real.  very sad if you think about it.  that's life tho. sometimes it's beautiful, sometimes it's painful, but most of the time it's both & at the same time.

it's the >lies< that make you .weak.
& the *TRUTH* that makes you -s t r o n g-

i've learned that you can't always count on people and for the longest time you will feel like your always holding your breath waiting around for something to happen or come along or even change.  sometimes it happens sometimes it doesn't but one day... i'm gonna be able to just breathe*

*she's gonna make it*

so my mom came to stay all night with me friday :) we went to the mall and shopped woohoo then we all went to the outback for dinner yum! i didn't feel well so we rented monster in law and watched it.  i slept soo good aw i believe thats the only other time i've slept other than at home in my bed. it was wonderful.  i woke up to snow ya know it's my fav! (other than the beach of course) so we woke up and went to charleston to shop some more (: i got the cutest pair of shoes actually 3 pairs.  mother knows what to make her girl happy haha it's my weakness!  but yeah we did that then we went to the olive garden to eat.  it was the BEST i've been wanting to go for so long but tylers really the only person i got out to eat with and he hates pasta so we never go there lol... we seriously waited an hour and a half but it was worth it!  so i came on home and my father called and wanted me to meet him at the logan game.  i sat with him for a bit then i saw shana and sat with her.  after the game we went to pick grant up coz he didn't have his truck.  we all rode around for a bit then we went to topps for like 5 mins haha then we took shana home and i drove grant around til 3:30 while he drank haha we had some good convo's.  i swear he's one of my best friends even tho he lies to me.  we mostly talked about his girl situations lol.. he's crazy i hope he's happy tho, he needs it. got home went to sleep woke up did homework & ate at my grandmothers yum the bessssssssssssssssssst!

~to live life is great--to live my life is fabolous~ haha <3

the craziest thing happened to me last night.  i think in life we wait around for things to happen and sometimes while we are waiting something happens to us and we just let it go.  alot of the times without even knowing.  it's so crazy because something that i waited to hear for the longest time, something that was the biggest part of my life for the longest time in my life happened.  it was just crazy it was like at one time those words would have been my life would have made me so happy and just perfect but whenever i heard it i felt absolutely nothing.  it's the craziest feeling in the world.  cause your hearing/reading the most beautiful things and you feel nothing.  i don't think i've ever had someone say such things about me i mean stuff that any other time it would take your breath away.  i just did not feel a thing. i think lifes like a cycle like that.  this happens so many times.  something wonderful happens then comes the pain then the waiting and somewhere in all that you just lose the feeling.  who knows what will happen. everything happens for a reason tho and whatevers meant to happen will happen.

*sometimes God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers*

wow enough with the shockers. softball starts monday & i'm going to die.. seriously i think i'll cry not going to the field everyday* i may go find a cage and hit and stuff still.  i'm feeling pretty sick right now.  it seems like all i ever am anymore is sick.  aw well.  i can't wait to go to the beach.  i miss it. hum i have to go home tomorrow evening and friday day.  earl queen's brother died and thats my family sooo gotta go home for that then this weekend kristins coming up to celebrate her 21st birthday :) woo should be a good time.  i haven't been out really in forever sad i know.  but since i'm feeling a lil out of it i'ma watch a movie then go to bed! i hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! <3

*the Lord is thy keeper*

-x-the eNd-x-